The Blow Up (Doll)

There's a weird trend happening for Art Basel (art basel, noun, a huge booze fueled party in Miami where the ostensible cause is art and the real cause is having your photo taken, wouldn't be caught dead there unless of course I get to exhibit).

First, MAC Cosmetics is having a dinner for Dita Von Teese. Of course, a dinner with Dita Von Teese probably consists of a can of whipped cream and that's it.

Then Bottega Veneta is throwing Liz Goldwyn a party for her new book, which is, um, about Dita Von Teese. Again, I'm assuming the hors d'ouevres come out of a ready whip can.

Seriously, this is amazing. All I need to do to get my own Art Basel show is have Eva, Sophia, and Jenny run around in matching bikinis while maybe reciting some random Portueguese nursery rhyme and drinking Diet Coke out of a bottle, and everyone would be like, "oooh, this is so progressive, I love it."

Wait a second... why is Eva, Sophia, and Jenny running around in their bikinis a bad idea? Dude, I'm so getting into Art Basel next year...

Art Star Confidential

Attention aspiring photogs, Heatherette junkies, and Britney fans: David LaChapelle needs a new intern:

David LaChapelle Studio, Inc. has openings for winter internships at our New York Office. Applicants must be available at least 2-3 days a week. This is a non-paid position. Students are however, eligible for college credit. We are a post-production office, dealing with all aspects of David LaChapelle’s photographic work. Applicants must have basic knowledge of MAC computer (CS, Photoshop, MSW, HTML). Apply for this position by e-mail (DLCIntern@gmail.com) or fax (212-529-9571). Please send resume and cover letter.

Good luck, I hear it's a really cool experience to whoever gets it.

Hard to Explain

I once knew a girl who only dated rock stars.

Her parents didn't love her, I think.

She started with drummers, then worked her way up; the bass player; the guitar guy; finally the front man. She would go on tour with them, she would sit in the studios with them, and most importantly, she would always hold their hand during pictures. That was a huge deal.

One night I was at the National Arts Club, and it was Jimmy Fallon's birthday, and she was there. She was alone and she was beautiful. I came upstairs from the galleries and she was all by herself and sitting on the steps.

"What are you doing here?" she said.

"I belong here," I answered, and I meant to the club, but I could see on her face that what I said was right, and wrong. "Do you want to come sit with me?" I asked, and she did, all night. We talked about how we met at a futball game in high school and how Kettle chips taste better and how Sidekicks are so fussy. And then it was time to go.

She said "I'm so sick of hanging out with people who don't get it. Even stupid things like potato chips. Please. Can we please spend more time together?"

The next week I saw her on Greene Street with Jakob Dylan. She saw me too but she didn't say hi.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fights?

A lot's happened in the past week. Just to fill you in, we've got...

Jenny discovering that Eva slept with her ex boyfriend who Eva doesn't even care about but Jenny's still not over.

Eva posting her third chapter about life at "Not Vogue" (and if you take me out for an amazing steak, I might just tell you what mag it is)

Sophia freaking out about the Jenny/ Eva situation

Our first TV episode airing online

And me being so stressed that I can barely make an In & Out list, much less actual art. Well, maybe tomorrow will be better.

Conde Nast Wants YOU!

Dude, it's like army recruitment for salad-eaters:



Fun stuff. Why can't Gagosian post gallery openings like that?

Celebrity Skin

Once I met a certain celebrity. We'll call her Lindsay.

No, nix that.

Once I met a certain celebrity. We'll call her Famous Girl.

Famous Girl (FG) was at the pool at the Satay in Miami and so was I, and we were bored. We drank frozen lemonade and traded sunglasses like five times and laughed because mine were too big on her and hers were pink, and she was actually pretty cool.

Then she saw a copy of US Weekly with her face on it and flipped out. And it said she stole another FG's boyfriend and I said, "How can you live with that stuff? All those lies that everyone reads?"

And she looked at me really calmly and she said, "Well for one thing it's not a lie. It just matters more because I'm famous, but at the same time, it doesn't really matter at all, because to most people I'm not even real."

I tried to tell Eva that last night at Freeman's but she didn't really listen. She just said "yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that Jenny will never talk to me again."

I whipped out an US Weekly and showed her.

"Not true," I explained, "Apparently, Paris and Lindsay are friends again."

Oops, I mean FG and FG.

Whatever. Truth be told, I sense "Team Jenny" and "Team Eva" t-shirts at Kitson in the near future. But then at least Sophia will be happy because she'll finally be famous enough for her own American Apparel spinoff.

She's also the only one I can deal with right now, so I'm off to her house to watch the first episode. It's definitely a haul to Little West 12th, but I'm making her order Pop Burger this very second.

More later.

They Don't Love You Like I Love You

Just realized in a matter of days there will be trailers of our TV show up for you guys to see and I'm flipped out that you might get the wrong idea about the girls. Yeah they're a little misguided and a lot spoiled sometimes but seriously and truly they're some of the greatest girls I've ever been lucky enough to know. So I decided I'd start posting the girls the way I know them, and once the episodes get aired, you'll have a little more background than just, uh, Sophia pushing Jenny into the pool at the party. Which was very funny, yeah.

Okay so here's the first one:

Today's List

It's almost that time... Laguna kids, watch your backs...

Why You Should Never Tell a Girl You Speak French

Year of Jenny: You speak French, right?

Sebastian: Don't you?

Year of Jenny: Spanish, Portuguese, and German.

Sebastian: Oh yeah, your mom's from Brazil. What's up?

Year of Jenny: Can you translate this article from French Vogue about Pete Doherty for me?

Sebastian: Sure, it says... uh... now that Kate Moss is doing a line for Top Shop, he's doing a line for Gio-Goi in London that will unveil on December 7 at a secret location.

Year of Jenny: A top secret location?

Sebastian: Yeah but it's not secret. It's getting unveiled backstage before his first London concert solo, which is also on December 7.

Year of Jenny: How do you know that?

Sebastian: Because, uh, Sophia was talking about going.

Year of Jenny: WHAT?!

Sebastian: Calm down! Hey! Don't you have like Killers tickets or something?

Year of Jenny: This is So. Not. Okay.

You Can't Handle the Truth

Really weirded out because Eva just called like 30 minutes ago.

I'm like - hey, shouldn't you be dancing on a table or on a lap somewhere?

No - she says - it's important.

You must be drunk - I answer, and she says - I wish. Look. If I knew something that, as a friend, you would want to know, but if I knew that, as a friend, your feelings would be massively hurt, would you still want me to tell you?

Eva - I said - we're not friends. All this "as a friend" stuff is throwing me off. What the hell is going on?

And Eva started crying and I swear, this is poor form of me, but I swear, I thought she was gonna say she liked me the whole time on vacation, and she'd stolen Sophia's phone so she couldn't call me back or whatever. Like I said, poor form, but it's really what I thought. And then Eva corrected me because she said - you know I love Jenny, right? And I'm like - how can anyone not love Jenny? Remember the one time when she finger painted with maple syrup on our pancakes at the beach? How cool was that? And Eva goes - it's very cool and I slept with her boyfriend.

Big pause.


And Eva keeps going - and I didn't mean to and we were drunk but it's why he broke up with her, why Reed did, because he wanted to go out with me, and then we went on vacation, and I got so uncomfortable and guilty that now we can't talk and she thinks I hate her but I'm afraid she'll hate me.

And Eva starts to cry, on the phone, at 2 am, and I'm shocked.

And I say - Eva, it's gonna be okay, do you need to come over?

And she says - no, I just needed to tell someone, and I feel better, and I'm gonna go to bed. And do I promise not to tell Jenny.

And I promise her, because she's really upset, because I really like her, because I really like Sophia, but I also really like Jenny. She's my girl, she's my kid, she's my... I can't lie to her and NOT tell her, you know?

So now I'm thinking... I have to say this to Jenny with my art. This will be my biggest challenge, and if it works, my greatest triumph.

Whoa I just sounded like Doctor Evil.

But still. Gotta tell Jenny, somehow. Maybe with wire sculpture. Nothing says "Yo, I love you but your best friend is a hag" like an amazing piece of wire sculpture, right?

Stay tuned...

The first piece I ever had exhibited...