Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Pace Yourself

Dear Eva,

I remember this one time on Juergen's yacht, we were all a little traumatized because The Socialite came with someone, and none of us knew how to deal with her. It was like two years ago and she was perfectly nice but sort of on another planet.

What I remember most is the one night when we tried to make sangria, only we didn't have any red wine left so we made it with vodka, in this plastic cooler that we'd bought at the airport. We were pretty trashed and Juergen had this fabulous (fabulous = dumb. but awesome. but dumb.) idea. He leans over the railing of the boat and he goes "Hey Socialite! Did you know that Sebastian's an artist? You should pose for him!"

Of course The Socialite hears the word "Pose" and it's all over. She immediately jumps over to our deck and plops herself down and says "paint me! paint me!"

And then she peels off her sundress and she holds it over her head like a sail, and lets the wind catch it, and lets it float away. Now she's got no clothes.

"Uh, dude," I mumble to Juergen but it's already too late because The Socialite is splayed on the dock in what she thinks is an "artsy" pose - no expression on her face, shoulders sharpened, spine crumbled, total mess - and she goes "paint me!"

Then her hot pink Sidekick rings.

"Hello," she says, and she flips over. Her belly button is pierced and she is wearing body glitter instead of tanning oil. "Omigosh," she goes, and she sits up, like cold water just hit her. "Really? Where? You guys?" and she turns to us. "You guys, I have to go. There's a party. I can't miss a party."

She says it like a sugar junkie talks about their brownies. It's sort of scary.

"I can't miss a party," she says over and over.

And then the Socialite jumps, drunk and buck naked, from the yacht into the ocean.

"What are you doing?" yells Juergen.

"I've got to get to the party!" she screams back.

We never saw her again, but the next week, the Socialite's photo was in US Weekly, at the party. She had wet hair and a Cavalli dress, and the caption said "beachy hair is in for summer!"

Anyway Eva, this is why I'm scared to go to your Christmas party. So I'm not gonna RSVP quite yet. Let's just say I'll think about it.

--Sebastian.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this for real? I feel like all of your blogs are fake and just to publicize Sunset Heat. I work in the art world and I don't ever remember hearing your name or seeing your work.

7:49 AM  
Anonymous A said...

Team Jenny!

1:24 PM  
Blogger Sebastian said...

(Team Jenny? whoa, are there gonna be t-shirts?)

You haven't heard my name because I'm 23 and have no idea what I'm doing. I'll freely admit that. I also got roped into being on Sunset Heat because these three girls asked me and they were wearing bikinis and I'm a guy. Yeah. So, you know, think whatever you want.

8:06 AM  

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